


For That Fool Is Me

by UniverseOnHerShoulders



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: April Fools' Day, Gen, Sulking, Teasing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-23
Updated: 2019-02-23
Packaged: 2019-10-20 14:17:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17623976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/UniverseOnHerShoulders/pseuds/UniverseOnHerShoulders
Summary: Ryan isn't sure what's going on, but Graham and Yaz are definitely acting very strangely...





	For That Fool Is Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [hookedphantom](https://archiveofourown.org/users/hookedphantom/gifts).



> Inspired by a really ridiculous conversation I had with Billie that subsequently ended up being a fic.

Ryan should have known, really. The fact that Graham and Yaz are stood together in the lounge shouldn’t in itself be suspicious, but there’s something about their manner that’s inherently… well, he doesn’t know what the right word is. _Odd_. They look giggly, which isn’t unusual for Yaz, but is certainly unusual for his grandad – Graham is usually one to chuckle, not giggle like a schoolgirl, and besides that, they’re both looking at him with something akin to… is that _guilt_? 

“What’s going on?” he asks, drawing to a halt in the doorway and shoving his hands into the pockets of his coat defensively. “Where’s the Doc?”

“Making a cuppa. Or possibly disassembling the kettle. I didn’t hang around to find out,” Graham shifts awkwardly from foot to foot, pointedly avoiding meeting his gaze. “There’s an equally likely chance of both, let’s be honest.”

“Why you being weird?” Ryan asks, narrowing his eyes at them both suspiciously. There’s a definite aura of weirdness that’s settled over the two of them, and it’s making the hairs on the back of his neck stand up. In his time with the Doctor, he’s learnt to trust his instincts… and his instinct about _this_ is that something’s going on. 

“We’re not,” Yaz says at once, mirroring his body language and shoving her hands in her pockets with a _definite_ air of furtiveness. “I just… we’ve got something to tell you.”

“Oh?” Ryan’s suspicions are growing by the second. There’s an uncomfortable feeling creeping over him, and he narrows his eyes as he looks between them, trying to guess what they’re about to say. “What’s that, then? You’re not packing all this in, are you? Because if so… sorry, but I’m sticking with the Doctor.” 

“No, it’s not…” Is Graham _blushing_? “It’s not that, mate.” 

“So, what is it? Spit it out, then.” 

“Well,” Yaz looks at Graham, a smile playing around the edges of her mouth. She looks… happy. Weirdly happy, in a way he hasn’t ever seen before. “It’s uh…” 

Ryan watches in confusion as Graham reaches over and loops his fingers around her elbow, trailing slowly down to her wrist as she draws her hand back out of her pocket and allows him to… take her by the hand. It’s fleeting, and he gives it a quick squeeze before he lets go, but Ryan still feels a creeping sense of apprehension as understanding begins to dawn on him, slow and insidious. 

“So, we both know that after your nan, I really didn’t think I’d ever find anyone to put up with me ever again. I thought I’d be spending the rest of my days in a man cave, watching the snooker and listening to the classics, maybe sipping the odd beer. But… well, I was so wrong, mate. I’ve found someone – I’ve found this _amazing_ woman, and she’s absolutely changed my life.” 

“Right,” Ryan forces himself to keep his voice level. He wants to scream. He wants to remind Graham that it’s been barely six months since his nan’s funeral. He wants, although he wouldn’t admit it, to cry. “And who is it?” 

“Well,” Graham takes a deep breath, then reaches across the space between himself and Yaz, taking her hand again in a way that is decidedly more than friendly. “It’s… Yaz.” 

Ryan feels like he’s been dropped into cold water. His heart skips several beats. 

“It’s…” he blinks hard, sure he must have misheard. “It’s who?” 

“Yaz.” 

“You’re taking the piss, aren’t you?” 

“Ryan,” Yaz says, with truly staggering sincerity, and he feels his mouth drop open in shock. “Ryan, I know it’s a shock, and he’s old enough to be me grandad, but… this is just something else. I’ve never felt like this before.” 

“You’re really taking the piss, right?” Ryan looked between the two of them, absolutely dumbfounded by the entire situation. “This isn’t happening. Me best mate… and me grandad?” 

“Ryan, we’re serious,” Graham says earnestly, giving Yaz’s hand a loving little squeeze. “I’ve found love in a hopeless place.” 

“It’s amazing,” Yaz smiles from ear to ear, and he’s not sure if he wants to swear or cry. “It really is.” 

“This…” Ryan starts to shake his head. “Nah, this isn’t happening. You’ve been bewitched, or something. You’ve got space sickness and your brains have gone funny. There’s no way this is happening of its own accord. I’m going to get the Doctor, alright? She’ll fix this.” 

“There’s nothing to fix,” Yaz says with a frown. “Ryan, I thought you’d be happy for us; after all, I’m going to be your step-grandma.” 

“Whoa,” Ryan shakes his head all the harder, aghast at the mere prospect. “Whoa, whoa, whoa. No. _No_. That is not a thing that’s happening. You’re both out of your _trees_. This isn’t happening.” He raises his voice. “Doctor? _Doctor_? Yaz and Graham are-” 

Laughing. Inexplicably. Bent double, roaring with mirth, their hands now mercifully unlinked as they crease up. 

“Oh, my god,” Graham gasps, wiping tears of laughter from his eyes. “Your face! You should’ve seen it…” 

“Step-grandma,” Yaz leans back against the wall, clutching her stomach. “Did you actually think…” 

“What?” Ryan scowls as he realises he’s been had. “You were very convincing.” 

“Ryan, check the date,” Graham manages through his laughter. “The date, mate. I really thought you’d twig…” 

Ryan realises, abruptly, what day it is, even as the Doctor bursts into the lounge with the sonic held aloft in a slightly delayed response to his panicked calls for help. He wants to swear, but she probably wouldn’t approve of that, so instead he bites his lip and swallows his words. 

“What is it?” the Doctor asks in a panic, looking between the three of them with palpable consternation before lowering the sonic slowly. “What’s wrong?”

“Ryan, your _face_ ,” Yaz wheezes, dabbing at her eyes with her sleeve. “Honestly…” 

“I hate you,” he says sourly, looking down at his feet and clenching his fists in his pockets. “I’m never speaking to either of you ever again.” 

“Ryan,” the Doctor says in a chastising tone, sounding wholly disappointed by his churlish manner. “That’s not very nice, is it?” 

“Yeah, well,” he mutters, scuffing his toe over the carpet. “Nor are they.”

 

* * *

 

Ryan scowls over the central column at Yaz and Graham, who are both leaning against the console with expressions of considerable guilt on their faces. It’s been two days, and he’s made good on his threat thus far. He hasn’t addressed a single word in their direction, and he’s absurdly proud of this fact. 

He hands the Doctor a Post-It note with as much dignity as he can muster, and she accepts it as she did the previous ten or so – with a look of tangible confusion – and unfolds it reticently. As she looks down at the words scrawled on it, she sighs with disappointment, then frowns.

“Ryan,” she asks with child-like bafflement. “Why am I telling Yaz that she’s…” she squints back down at the paper, struggling to decipher his handwriting. “‘Really not a funny cow? That’s not very kind, is it?”

“Yeah, well,” he shoots them both a filthy look, and watches with satisfaction as Yaz’s cheeks colour. “Nor is pretending to be in love.” 

“Ryan, are you _still_ mad about that, mate?” Graham asks wearily. “It’s been _two days_.”

“Yeah,” he says, then mentally kicks himself for being tricked into speaking to them. “And?” 

“Ryan, we’re sorry,” Yaz mumbles, looking abruptly close to tears. His resolve wavers then, just a little. “We just… it was just a stupid April Fools’ Day joke, we didn’t think you’d be so bothered by it…” 

“I don’t care what’s gone on, but I’m not having conflict in here,” the Doctor tells them bluntly, folding her arms and looking abruptly stern. “There’s enough conflict out there in the universe for us to deal with; I’m not having it in here as well. You can either all kiss and make up, or you can go home and think about what you’ve done, then let me know when you’re ready to act like grown-ups.” 

“Ryan, we’re _sorry_ ,” Yaz says again, then bursts into tears of frustration. “Please, stop sulking. I miss my best mate, and I was a knob, but I’m _sorry_.”

“I’m sorry too,” Graham says with sincerity, and his eyes are shiny with unshed tears. “I miss my grandson, and I miss the banter. Can you please forgive us for being idiots and we can put it behind us and move on, like the Doc suggested?” 

Ryan dithers for a moment, then catches the Doctor’s fierce glare. “Yeah,” he mutters reluctantly after a long pause. “I s’pose so.”

“Good,” the Doctor’s face lights up at once, and she darts around the console as Yaz sidles round to Ryan and slips her arm around his waist. He dithers for a moment, then returns the one-armed hug. “Right, can we _please_ go to Space Disney now? Thank you.”


End file.
